Sarah's Life.

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 01:59:48 GMT

What's my problem? I'm always depressed when I'm alone for long periods of time. I got home today from being with Jenna and Martin, and I was fine for a few minutes, then everything hit me at once. And I broke down.
I want what I can't have. I don't want to care, I truly dont. But I know if I keep this up and I can't let go of this feeling, I'm going to lose ya as everything, and then I'll have one less amazing person in my life. Yes I'm emo right now, shoot me.
Secondly, Lexie's going to camp in 13 days. For 2 months. If I think I'm depressed now, wait 2 more weeks. I'm not going to know what to do with myself. No wonder I'm never single. I can't deal with being alone. It kills me. Literally. I seriously think one of these days I'm going to completely lose it, and just give up. I can't fight the fight anymore, I just keep on losing.
I miss my family. I miss having people around all the time who are always going to be there (in a sense). Lately I've been missing my whole family (in England) And I just feel like I'm so alone in this world. Everyone seems to have things under control, everyone has friends.. And then I feel so left out. I'm complaining I know, but at least it's your choice or not to read this.

Okay, I need to do something. I can't handle this. Im dying inside. I need to be independant. I dont know what to even do. I dont have a gf anymore, I ruined that. lmao. Im leaving now before I fuck anything else up. Bye

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 18:23:42 GMT

I finally went boarding! First time of the season, and my god it was a blast. I'm practising more, and getting a bit better each time. Thank god, cuz I sucked. lol. I woke up yesterday morning in so much pain from the previous day, [boarding all day] and have many bruises to show for it. Very cool. I had a great sleep that night. 14 hours. Mmm sleep. Yesterday I didn't do much, but last night I went over to Chris's house, and we watched From Hell. Most boringest movie I have ever ever seen. Good thing he got me drunk or I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I drank Tequila and whatever mix he mixed it with. It wasn't bad. I got drunk off of less than 2 drinks. Maybe he didn't mix it as well as I thought, ha. Anywho, that's all that's new. Im going snowboarding again tomorrow evening, friday evening, and Saturday during the day. Hopefully after those few days I'll be alot better than I am.

Valentines Party at Lexie's February 11th. I can't wait. One more month. I hate waiting. It sucks alot.

I'm taking my mom out for dinner tonight at this stupid ass place that's all posh and shit, so I'm probably going to dislike it. Oh well, it's her choice as to where we go. I better go. I need to shower. Byebye

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 19:02:58 GMT

So, last night Jordan, Lex and I were still awake at like 3 or so this morning, and Lex and I were so tired we walked up the stairs and decided it would be a good idea to skin the cat. [Yes there was a reason, but I cant tell you.] We didnt actually skin the cat, but it was still fucking hilarious. We all managed to stay awake till 6:30ish.

Anonymous: "Fuck, I need to get some." LFMAO second funniest quote in the past days, lmfao. First one being skin the cat!

Oh good jesus, best night of my life last night. Happy happy joy joy.

Anyway, DDR is amazing. Bye..

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 16:43:56 GMT

Kor spent the past 3 nights here, which was nice. This morning she had to go, which was sad. New Years was fun, I got very drunk. Meg, Kor and I tried our best to play Scrabble, haha. Oh god, drunk scrabble. Then at like 1:20 in the fucking morning Brian and his 5 fucking friends came over. He and Meg got in a fight, and Meg totally bitched at him and told him to leave. Then he was like yelling at Meg so I jumped in and tried to get him to leave, and his friend pushed and held me to a wall. It sucked but was eventful haha. I almost finished off a 40. Very tasty lol. Kor and I got in a fight, because she was reading my emails. Asshole. Anyway, we only had about 15 people here at once, but that's fine. I was too drunk to care. Very cool. Wow it's 2006, that's so wierd.

I'm out. Peace.

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 18:12:12 GMT

So...did we have to be invited to Lesley's party? Cause I dont exactly know. Oh well. Party at Lexie's ha. SO last night I got way too high and had a panic attack because Megs cell phone rang. Im a fuckin idiot. I just watched four brothers. So fucking good. I should shower now. Uhm, Oo, I MIGHT GET ANOTHER TAT! yay me. Bye now

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 18:10:36 GMT

First Name: Sarah
Middle Name: Jayne
Birthday: December 2 1987
Eyes: Greenish/Brown
Hair: Reddish Brown.
Fav color: Pink and Blue...not together
Day/Night: Night
Fave Food: Pizza.
FRIENDS AND LIFE
Do you ever wish you had another name? Never really thought about it.
Do you like anyone? 'course I do.
Which one of your friends acts the most like you? Matt. :)
Who's the loudest? Meg! hahaha.
Who have you known the longest of your friends? Nicole.
Who's the shyest: Emma
Are you close to any family members? My mommy!!
When you cried the most: When Kaitlin broke up with me. Fucken asshole.
What's the best feeling in the world: Being happy and in love.
Worst Feeling: When yer really high, and you start having a panic attack.
FINISH EACH SENTENCE:
Let's walk on the: traintracks while a train is coming.
Let's run through: sprinklers.
Let's look at the: TV.
What a nice: fucken piece of ass! lmao.
Where did all the: weed go man?
Why can't you: just fuck off and die somewhere!
Silly, little: bastard!
Tell me: everything I wanna hear.
HAVE YOU:
Ran away from home: Haha yah. Once.
Pictured your crush naked: hahaha sometimes.
Skipped school: Of course.
Broken someone's heart: Yep.
Been in love: fo'sho
Cried when someone died: Yeah :(
Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Yah but then she ended up wanting me too, so she broke up with her boyfriend, and then it turned out..I didnt like her as much as I thought I did, haha.
Done something embarrassing: Fucken right yo. AAAAA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Done a drug: ECSTASY MO FUCKAH! and weed, and hash, coke, and shrooms.
Cried in school: Yah I think so
RANDOM
Your Good Luck Charm: I dont have one.
Person You Hate Most: Krysten :)
Best Thing That Has Happened: The first time I did e. then the second and third and so forth.
Ice Cream: Chocolate mint.
WHO Makes you laugh the most: Meg
Makes you smile: I always smile.
Has A Crush On You: the whole wide world yo. lol. jk. TOO MANY PEOPLE !!!!!!!
Do You Have A Crush On Someone: Probly.
HAVE YOU EVER
Fallen for your best friend?: Hell no.
Made out with JUST a friend?: All the time. DRuNK PARTIES YO!
Kissed two people in the same day?: hell, Ive kissed two people at once!
Had sex with two different people in the same day?: Hmm, no I havent. I'll work on it ;) hahaha
Been rejected: Once. Fucken asshole.
Been in love?: Yes. Then the bitch broke up with me.
Been used?: I dont fucken know.
Done something you regret?: Yah but why regret the things u do?
Cheated on someone?: Every person. lol. Im horrible
Been called a tease: hahaha yes. Poor brian.
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
You touched?: I hugged matt this morning before I left his house..o0 a boys house ;) DONT GET DIRTY THOUGHTS ASSHOLES!
You talked to on the phone?: Brian. He's coming over :)
You hugged?: Matt.
You instant messaged?: Lubke. mo fuxkah
You kissed?: fuuuuuck. Korinna, I think. haha.
You yelled at?: My brother. He was being a dickhead.
Who text messaged you?: Lubke.
Who broke your heart?: Kaitlin.
Who told you they loved you?: Matt or Kor..

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 17:23:40 GMT

Christmas Ruled. I look like hugh hefner in my robe, haha. Lexie spent like..4 or 5 days with me. Then we both came back to Ottawa. Yay Ottawa. I miss my mommy already. Awe. Oh well. Uhm, nothing much else is going on. New Years even party, cant wait. lol. g2g, nothing else to say

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 07:04:14 GMT

yo,
So Ottawa kicked ass. Now Im home. Arg. Oh well. Me and my mom are getting along well, except tonight she got drunk and we got in a little fight. Shes only like it when shes drunk. Meh. So we're probly moving into town soon thank god. Itll make it so much easier to have and keep a job. I wont have to bug my mom to drive me. Hmm so wut else is new? Nothing exciting really. Our water pipes froze today so I pissed outside. What an adventure. My ass was freezing, haha. Oh well. Life sucks. In april Im either moving to Ottawa or Arnprior. Either way I'll be closer to my baby. Aw I love her. A year and a half on December 23rd. How friggin cute! I can't wait to be living with her. Hafta wait till she gets a job and can move out though. About another year to god. I hope we can wait that long. Either way, we're gonna have to. So sad. Anyway I shud go. Its like 2am and I think I have to be awake early tomorrow. I cant remember why though. Ah well. nanite!!

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 05:25:19 GMT

Hey fuckers.
Finally got a fucking tattoo. Omg I actually feel SO cool, haha.

Okay, so Christina, Lexie and I went to algonquin to go and meet my friend Meg for the first time. She's fucking hot. Lexie thinks so too. She kissed me. lol. Anywaaaay. So first we shopped in rideau, and then near sugar mountain we went into these kewl stores. Then me and Meg got beavertails. So good. Theeen, we went to subway where we ate awesome stuff, and me and Meg went into the bathroom and had some vodka. Mmm haha. And then the tattoo process. Okay so Meg wanted a piercing so we went to the tattoo/piercing place and she decided she wanted another tattoo. So she said if I got one, she'd get one. So I got the superman logo on my back. It's soo cool, lol. Lexie says my tattoo is the shit :D She's getting one after xmas. yay. Anyway I shud bounce. Me and Lex are waiting for Matt and then smoking a joint, ha. Bye :)

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 18:38:57 GMT

Hey, Long fucken time no talk. Friday night Meg and I got plastered at Brian and Jays, and stayed awake pretty much all night. Meg got really sick and couldnt find the bathroom door, so she puked everywhere. lol. Saturday Brian was being wierd so me and Meg came to Lexie's house. Then we all went to Mcdonalds and then to Michys. Brian and Jay were at Michys and Brian and I seemed fine again. Then we all got really drunk and brian smoked aloooot of pot, and he turned into a asshole again. I dont think him and I are gonna work..But then he insisted that he walk me home, and gave me his gloves and everything. He was upset that I wasnt staying with him that night when I said I would, but he was being mean and I didnt wanna get in a fight with him. On Sunday Korinna came over for a while, and we played Mario Party. Then later that night Matt and Stacey came over and we played gamecube until 3am. lol. Go Mario Party! Stacey left around then and Lex and I finally got some sleep. Hmmm, what else happened? Yesterday I promised Kor I'd meet her at the school so I walked there at 3ish and Meg came over to Lexies and the 2 of them made me birfday cake. MMM I havent had any yet but it looks yummies. When I was at SRB I saw Lesley and me and Kor walked home with her. I was flirting with her the whole time, haha. It was funny. Then me and Kor got back here and made food, watched a movie, then Matty came over, we all played gamecube, then it was late and Kor had to go. *Tear* Meg still had some weed left over from previous parties this week, so we smoked that, gopt fucked, wrote a realllly dumb story about beeg and little faht cows. Who lived in houses, and were as big as submarines in the ocean. SOmething like that anyway. It was great haha. Today me and Lex were sposed to go downtown and then go to Value Village but iunno, she's still sleeping. I neeeed to see Brian, he has all my clothes at his house. Bah! Oh well. Ill buy more today. Anyway that's all for now mah bitches! Byeee

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 03:09:32 GMT

My mother is turning into an alcoholic. Her and her boyfriend got in a huuuge ass fight, and so he doesnt come over anymore, and she's lonely, so she started drinking. Ugh what a loser.

I cant wait to see my baby, she seems to make eveyrthing alright. And on my birfday Im going to Ottawa to see Brian, Lex and Brent. I cannnnot wait. I havent seen them all for so long. LEX I MISS YOU TIMES TEN THOUSAND! Awwww she's lovely. I need to see her. We need to spend some quality lex and sarah time together, lol.

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 02:06:30 GMT

December 16th I'm going to hull and getting drunk! Go me, I'll finally be 18! Im going with Brian, Meg and Brians friend. I forget his name haha. Wait, his name's Jay! lol. Anyway I dont have much to update really. My bday soon, yay. 17 days. lol. I met some kewl new girl. Yay for meeting people. Uhm, Jades party in about a month or so. Cant wait for that, it should be a blast. Omg the Ottawa Sens are losing right now to Carolina. We always lose to them, theyre friggin good. They have a good chance at the cup. Im sure some of you dont care about that lol. Anyway, uhm, nothing else is going on in my life. Oh wait, my dad is sending me my bond thing which hes been putting money in since 1990. So it could be quite a bit of money. yay for me again lol.

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 04:29:55 GMT

All I need in this life of sin, is me and my gf. My god she makes me happy. I'm seeing her on my birthday! I've decided not to go to the Sens game because instead, Kors coming down to see me, I can watch it on TV, and why pay like $400+ on a game thats going to be on TV anyway? When I can just as easily watch it with my baby? Mmhmm, thats what I thought. Haha. Anyway yah, so I've dropped out of school, but my principal wont give me my transcripts because Im not 18. Gay. So me and my mom are going to pick them up one day. And then in February Im going to the adult school in Pembroke to start the new semester. yay me. Hmmm, so I should go. I have no more exciting news, at all. Im very boring. Oh, but I might be getting Mario party 6 and 7 for my birthday! I definitly cant wait! lol.

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 05:50:51 GMT

I saw Saw 2 tonight and almost shit my pants. Then me and Paul drove home and there was a tree that had fallen down near my house so my moms car was parked on the side of the road and I guess she had walked home. So Paul moved the tree [hes strong like bull lmao] and he drove his truck and I had to drive my moms car the rest of the way home. It was my first time im the drivers seat since my accident! omg I was SO scared I drove like 10 km an hour! lmao. Anyway Im going to bed! Good night !!! Oh oh oh. Im going to a Sens game on my birthday!!!!! :D

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 17:26:03 GMT

Heyyyy,
Yesterday I had a bit of a bad day. I definitly need anti depressants. Ugh, I keep making my loverly gf sad :( I dont mean to. Thank god she sticks by me no matter how much of an idiot I am. Love.

This guy named Brent wants to pay for my bus to Ottawa, and my return ticket. He's so sweet. But I hope he know's I have a gf. I should tell him. But he just got a house with a few of his friends, and Im going down there on Wednesday for a few days. Cause schoool and I are not working out. The principal said my quebec credits that I will receive at the end of the year wont count in Ontario, so no point right. When Im 18 Ima try the adult skewl in Pembroke. Fuck I just want to graduate.

Anyway I should go. I promised my brother Id play volleyball with him. Lovely. lol. Byeee

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 23:34:59 GMT

So, yesterday after school I was driving home and got into a car accident. I saw a deer, and swerved to the left then to stay on the road i turned to thje right but because my jeep was in 4 wheel drive it was difficult to control, so I smashed the whole front end into a tree. As a result I messed my face up pretty bad. Big fat cut open lip, bruised head, bruised and torn knee, cant walk very well. Ugh I hate driving. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened. My neck is so sore, I got whiplash.

Aside from that Im pretty sick with a cold/flu thing. Ugh. No school till Monday probly. My principal told me that he doesnt think my quebec credits are going to count in ontario, so there may not be a point to me going. He's phoning around to check though. So ugh, I hate my life at the moment. Only thing that makes me happy is Kor. And even then it sucks cause I cant see her all the time.

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 22:37:21 GMT

I'm in the worst mood ever. Korinna couldn't come and see me, which isn't her fault but still made me sad. A few of my friends are going out tonight in Ottawa and it just fucking kills me that I can't be there. Christina's being a fucking liar, and decides to meet guys who wanna fuck her instead of guys who are actually worthwhile. Meg and Lex are fighting and Im mad at the both of them right now, just because. Im just uberly pissed. That's all. Oh, also my mom kept me home from skewl today to babysit, no wonder I cant graduate, I dont have the number of hours needed. So once again, a whole year wasted. Fuck..

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 00:33:57 GMT

Amazing weekend. Im so in love. She's amazing. Also, Lex is amazing, but as my best friend lol. All three of us had the best time ever. I loved having them here. Omg I wish we all lived closer. Maybe soon, hopefully. But Im doing good in skewl and dont wanna leave, but have an awesome opportunity to go to Ottawa. Oh god I dont know...I should go. Sorry for the short entry, though I dont think anyone reads this anyway haha. Byeeeee

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 22:07:45 GMT

I just cried over Gilmore Girls. What an idiot, lol. But Luke and Lorelai broke up for 3 episodes and they got back together! lol. It's so cute.

I spoke to Jordan today for the first time in forever. I really miss him. He was so amazing to hang out with. We're planning on seeing each other sometime soon, without his gf knowing of course. She cant stand me. Oh well. She cant stop me from seeing my Jordan.

I get to see Korinna in 9 days! Yay! I know it seems like a long time, and it is, but we're used to it. We go months without seeing each other. I can't wait! My baby is my world.

I should go, Im going to do homework. I have a few essays to write, and a couple thousand history questions :P Lovely. Oh well. It's something to keep me busy until I see Kori.

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 20:19:49 GMT

k here we go..English academic performance - B, approach to studies - B Organization skills - B
French was all N/A lmao
Math was 2 D's and a B in organization
Economics was C for academic performance and a C for approach to studies [keep in mind, I only had one class so far, and its the same teacher for math, so he hates on me]..I did ALL the fucking work too and I got an A for organization
History All B's
Humanities all B's

Be proud of me! Im doing better, lol

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 13:34:04 GMT

So last night I forgot how to make certain food, but I was really really hungry. I made chicken cordon bleu, I made nutella toast, pork chops, and random other munchies. k I was really high, lmao. Lex we definitly hafta smoke a fatty when I see ya. We'll watch Garfield lmao. Anywaaay Im probably going to Ottawa at about 3, and because Im taking the bus, it's gonna get me there at like 5ish. ugh. Busses are slow. My moms gonna be pissed that I didnt go to skewl today. Im gonna say I missed by bus. lol. O0 Im going to the Ottawa Sens game on Saturday! Wo0t! Go me! I definitly cant wait. It's gonna be sooo awesome. Anyway Im going to watch Dawsons Creek now, bye.

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 21:49:11 GMT

So as everyone knows, Ottawa will OWN tonight. Yes Korinna, OTTAWA, not your shit team Toronto! Today I went down to Ottawa with my mom and my brother where I met up with my baby and we all went out to Mother Tuckers for Thanksgiving dinner, because no one in my family wanted to cook. My moms boyfriend came down from Toronto too. All in all it was pretty cool. All except Korinna hating my shoes. What a dumb bitch fuck. Even though I only saw her for not even two hours, it was pretty nice. She should have eaten more though, cause me and my brother felt like beeg faht cows. I ate 5 plates of Turkey, roast beef, mashed potatoes & gravy [of course.] chicken and 2 pieces of chocolate cake and 2 bowls of ice cream with everything on them! OH MAN I WAS A FATTY! Anyway, I have nothing really important to say so I'm gonna go. Byeeee

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 21:07:13 GMT

I didnt get to see my baby this weekend, therefore, I am being in a bad mood all weekend. Im not meaning to be, but it just works out this way. Im incredibly bored and very irritable and I have no idea why. I have some stupid essay to do, but my lover Matt said he was going to do it. He's my other baby. Awe. lol. I lovess him muchly. Anyway I was invited to Carls sisters for Thanksgiving because his family still loves me from way back in grade 8 when we dated. lol. So yah, I dont know if I'll go though. Maybe. Nothing else is new and exciting, so I really have nothing to say. K, so Korinna wasnt online when I came on so I was upset and pissed off. Then she came online and I wasnt really talking and I was being a bitch. WTF is my problem? I need a nap..

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 20:48:58 GMT

Jessica tagged me [i think] to do this quiz so here it goes.

5 Details about me:
- I love my baby.
- Im in the worst mood today for no reason.
- I might be getting 500,000 dollars on Tuesday.
- Im not having thanksgiving dinner because no one wants to make one
- I miss Ottawa

5 details about my appearance right now:
- Im wearing pajama pants and a huge shirt
- My hair is fucking stupid as always
- Im still wearing my new shoes and I havent taken them off since I woke up
- I look like a crackwhore with all my make up everywhere.
- Im wearinb black socks?

5 Memorable things I did in the past year:
- Moved home from Ottawa
- Met amazing people in Ottawa
- Started dating my Korinna again.
- Started doing ecstasy...But then quit. [really was memorable.]
- Met Matty. Most amazing guy in the whole world.

5 favorite movies:
- Fear
- American History X
- Deep End Of The Ocean
- Red Eye
- Pretty Woman

5 things that make me happy:
- Korinna
- Money
- My mom
- Ottawa
- When someone does something nice for me unexpected.

5 things that impress me:
- Guys being polite.
- People who stand up for what they believe in.
- Gay people who arent afraid to show it.
- People who never give up at what they want.
- A guy who actually cares about a girl without wanting only sex.

5 Things that do not impress me:
- A guy who leaves you if you wont sleep with him.
- When someone wont talk to you because you broke up with them after saying they still wanna be friends.
- Cheaters.
- Liars.
- Immaturity.

5 people I am tagging to do this survey:
- Lexie
- Korinna
- Lee Ann
- Alison [but she wont]
- Christina [but shes never on]
-

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 01:35:37 GMT

So school was awesome today, and I met a bunch of new people. Well, I met them before but hung out with them for a first time today. We played volleyball and lunch and went and ate onion rings. Me and Liz totally picked the onions out, lmao. This girl named Ashley is hot, and fucking funny. Kinda goth punk. Ameteur though, lol. I was supposed to see my Korinna tonight but she isnt allowed. Yet her parents said she can sleep over at some girls house. Me? Pissed off! I Last night I finally got my KSwiss shoes though. About time. lol. And it was my sisters birthday and she sat on my lap to eat her cake and I put my face in it and gave her a big kiss. Which she laughed at and made me do for about half an hour. I didnt know at the time, but it was caught on video tape. So there I am with cake ALL over my face and kissing my sister, lol. It was cute though. I have nothing much else today, except Im incredibly bored and I wish Kor was here. And I hope Tom sent that money to my bank already and that I get it by Tuesday. God do I ever hope. Anyway, peace. Oh wait, there's a really hot boy on my bus named Jared, and I got his email adrdess today because I'm very cool! :D